I have often surmised that God is this hard-to-reach unfathomable being that I am only able to see when everything is right and beautiful. He's a master artist and he brings us glimpses of His glory in beautiful sunsets, mountains that tower large and impressive, and oceans so vast and deep that they take your breath away.
But, God isn't only found in the impressive, the beautiful, and the unfathomable. He isn't only found in the happy moments. God isn't only found when our world feels right and good. He is also found in the moments of despair. He is found in the ugly, the dark places, the tearing, the bleeding, the stretching, aching, lonely places. He is immersed in all of our difficulties. Responsible for them, no. There in the midst of them, yes.
God doesn't work the way we do.
You see, I like things to be perfect - I'll bet you do too... I like situations to work out; I like things to sail along smoothly. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when I do something and it goes off without a hitch. It feels really good... easy.
Lonely isn't easy.
Growth isn't easy.
Hurt isn't easy.
Yet, somehow God uses these things for our good. These painful, uncomfortable, hurtful situations that we'd rather not experience, rather not face down God is there through them
I'm sure you've heard the saying, "God never gives you anything you can't handle." The thing is God never gives you anything He can't handle. You're not alone in this situation. You're not handling things by yourself. God doesn't leave us in dark places and say, "Good luck! See you later!" He sits there next to us and guides us through the hard junk.
Getting to know God in this place of uncertainty and loneliness has been one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. When everything is ok and life is status quo it's easy to think you don't need God - that He is merely an accessory to your already full and bountiful life. Knowing God is what makes life full, though.
"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."
- Matthew 16:25