Wednesday, May 4, 2016
I think it's important to be honest. Most days are really good. Most days are full of good and beautiful things, and I can't help but wonder how my life is so incredible.
But today sucks.
Can I say that? Because, sometimes it feels like I can't. Everyone is always talking about being thankful for everything and focusing on the good - and mostly I do.
But today just sucks.
I woke up at 6 am because my daughter couldn't find her pacifier. The pacifier that I have tried to take away 5 separate times now, but then she always manages to find a stray one. So... the cycle continues. It's because it gives me peace. Peace in the chaos. I probably need that pacifier more than her. But, I digress... She came into my room at the crack of dawn crying loudly and likely would have woken her baby sister if I hadn't stumbled out of bed.
We're out of half and half. We're out of milk. We're out of protein bars and I'm on a diet. I rely on the protein bars to get me through until the next meal.
I had to tell my daughter to do her chores 4 times. I had to tell my son to finish his Math 10 times. I had to clean up pee off the floor... twice. Someone has had their fingers pinched in a door.
I went on Facebook to mindlessly scroll because the noise and the chaos were making my blood pressure rise. I needed just a minute to look at something other than my messy house. All I saw were to-do lists completed, pretty pictures, and other beautiful things - which is WONDERFUL, but today my life doesn't look like that and for some reason it didn't help.
I found myself wondering why can't I get my to-do list done? Why haven't I taken a picture of a flower and posted it with the caption that "Life is all good things."
My coffee cup has been reheated too many times. There is a craft that has migrated from the table to the floor. I haven't taken a shower. It's been 7 months since we moved and I still miss my mom and dad... desperately. I miss my friends and I'm still grieving despite the fact that it's getting better bit by bit. But today? Today I especially miss everyone and everything.
This is not my every day. But you know what? Today I'm going to admit it. I'm going to let go of my expectations. I'm going to go take that shower. Hopefully it will help.
I'm going to admit that some days I'm not happy. I'm not even nearly as happy as I should be. I don't get done the things that I need to. I don't sit and read happily with my kids. I don't have the attitude I want to have.
Some days suck, and it's ok to say it.
So, here's to the sucky days. They're going to come and they're going to... well, suck.
I know I'm not the only one.