There are times, moments in your life where you feel tremendous grief. Grief is painful; grief is suffering. It often comes in waves. One day you'll feel fine and the next four you'll cry, look at old pictures, remember the way things used to be, and wonder if life will ever feel ok again.
Because, when you lose something that you love life isn't ever really the same again. You want to think it will be, but the truth is... it won't. Life will move on. Eventually you'll find other things to fill your time. You'll find new places to go, new people to spend time with, you'll laugh and smile and think of what you miss less, but that thing, or person that is gone leaves an impression. A lasting, loving, deep impression.
It's ok to be sad.
The truth is, the sadness you feel when you lose something gives proper credit to the thing you've lost.
It's ok to cry. It's ok to tell people that you miss what has been lost.
Ever since I found out we were moving I felt that if I said I was going to miss our house, my friends, and my family that it detracted from the amazing opportunity we were being given. I felt guilty that I was "complaining" about a good thing and that I was wrong to feel how I was feeling.
When you lose something it forces you to reshape the life around you. For a long time after you've lost something you'll look around and feel that loss when you do certain things, see certain people, go certain places.
Sadness is uncomfortable.
I love the movie Inside Out. It's about a family that moves from the midwest to the San Francisco area. It's about a little girl and her process of grief. Sadness is an actual character and Joy (another character) is very uncomfortable around Sadness. Joy doesn't understand how Sadness works or really what her purpose is at all. Talk about real stuff right there.
When we are sad we try to avoid it. When we see other people sad we try to talk them out of it, because we don't want those we love to be hurting. We long to ease the suffering of ourselves and others.
The thing is that there is real purpose in grief and in sadness.
There is purpose in the loneliness you feel after losing something or someone important to you. It allows you to slow down. Grief as opposed to anger depletes your energy. It makes you stop. It causes you to look around and realize what it is you really value. It's actually in these moments of grief, anguish, and despair that you come to realize what is really important. That's a good thing.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
When Lazarus died, Jesus wept. Even Jesus who knew he could raise Lazarus from the grave grieved the loss of his friend.
Grief is a product of love.
When you love someone or something and it is not part of your life in the same way there is going to be sorrow - and you know what? That is ok.
It's ok to tell someone you're sad. It's ok to say why you're sad. It's ok to feel lonely, to allow yourself the time necessary to heal from what you've lost. It's a common misconception to believe that we need to be happy all the time. Being sad about a loss does not mean you're negative. It does not mean that you're weak. It means that you loved something deeply - and that... that is a good thing.