Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Number of Kids We'll Have

"How many kids do you think you'll have?"

"Five kids really is a lot... Are you trying to be the Duggars?"

"Do you think you're done?"


I get a variety of these questions all peppered with curiosity because this isn't something that a lot of people choose. This life, so full of little ones, so full of life. It's a paradox really.

Children, so small and so young make your life so big, so full. Full of adventure. Full of fun. Full of jobs, excitement. Full of laughter. Full of laundry, dirt, food. Full of Birthdays, holidays, and everything in-between. So often I catch myself wondering at how these small people can make things so big.


And so our family grows, because I don't have it in me to say no. Not yet. In time my body will no longer grow children. Rather, I will continue to work and pray and love children who are now living life close, or perhaps... have moved away.

I remember someone saying once, "How could I not want to meet another person I will love so very much?" It stood out to me. Yes. How? Every single one of the people born into this family take up another part of my heart that will always and forever belong to them, no matter where they go, what they do, who they become. I think on each of them and I feel an immeasurable sense of love.




How could I say no to another one? I... can't.

I know that some day this time will end, and honestly that will be ok with me. Life is meant to be lived in stages and as much as we might love one stage who is to say that the next won't be equally beautiful?

As much as I don't want to rush through these moments, I don't want to stop the next ones from happening.

Yesterday I got out the big pool. We bought it two years ago. While I smoothed it out, made sure it was clean, hooked up the filter, and blew up the edge my oldest fixed lunch, my middle kids ran and got the sunscreen, the towels, and filled up the water table for the littlest. When I was done filling the pool I was able to sit down with some iced coffee and it was odd. Two years ago I did everything by myself.  I had this sudden realization that we've entered another stage.

I'm not in the toddler stage anymore. I have an older kid who is discovering a desire for independence. I have a child who is about to enter into kindergarten. I have a spunky 4 year old girl who very well might join her brother in kindergarten a year early, I have a toddler, and my 5th will make her debut in the next couple weeks.

Motherhood has changed me more than anything else. It has made me look outside of myself. I struggle, daily to lay aside my own needs, but as my children grow, so do I. In the sacrifice of motherhood I'm learning how to be a better, kinder, more loving, less selfish, more patient person. I'm brought closer to Christ as I pray for Him to change me - make me new.

I don't know how many kids we'll have. I don't put a number on it anymore because with each child that comes into this house I learn more about what it means to live life for others. I learn more about laying down my own life. I learn that life with kids is full - full of much more than I ever thought possible.




22 comments:

  1. whatever God wants for your family - that's what it will be :D

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    1. That is definitely my stance. Dealing with the inability to get pregnant back in my younger years I had to come to terms with the fact that I might not have any more kids naturally. I'm glad that changed, but yes, whatever God desires. That's why I don't want to stop yet. I want to see what else He might have in store...

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  2. This post is so wonderful! You should never be expected to give a number. Nobody should. Honestly, what's with people and their nosey questions anyway? Lol! The day I had my son people were asking if we're going to have more. Sheesh! This is such a sweet post so full of love and your family is so beautiful! I'm looking forward to the next stage you speak of, where my oldest can make lunches. Sounds great! ;)

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    1. I had heard of oldest kids making lunches before and so when it happened I felt like I was in heaven. I'd been waiting for this day! ;)

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  3. This is so sweet! It's amazing to me how people will always share their opinions... I think people should have as many kids as they want.. and I dont know why others feel the need to question it all the time. You make beautiful kids, so why stop?? ;)

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  4. People will always share their opinions, I only had one because that is all i could have physically, now I get.. oh you should have another one, she shouldn't grow up alone, so no matter what you do, they will share their opinion.

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    1. That's the thing. You never know another person's situation. It took me some time to realize that family size isn't always a choice. It is so organic. People who have tried to keep from having children have them anyway. People who want children, can't. It's easy to make assumptions about a person based on how many kids they have - but it's not usually accurate. Funny how something so beautiful, so miraculous is often misinterpreted. Thank you for your comment!

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  5. Oh Melissande, this is so beautiful!!!! How can you say no to someone you already no you'll love so much is right!!!!

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    1. Thank you, Alana! That quote has always stuck out to me. I just don't want to miss out on any awesome people.

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  6. How can we say no? I love how well that is put, I think I will use that from now on. I pray the Lord will bless us with more someday!

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  7. I don't understand why people are so rude to large families. I think it's awesome you are willing to let God grow your family. I think large families are a very special thing. I would like to have a large family, but I don't know that I'm brave enough yet. One kid at a time. Working on #3 right now though:)

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    1. One kid at a time sounds perfect to me. :)

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  8. I feel like people are rude to parents with only one kid and also to those with more than three. I loved this, especially the part about how could you not want to meet another person you love so much.

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    1. It's so true. I have never once regretted a child. Each one has brought so much joy and fun to our house. How could I not want more of that?

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  9. I agree that life with kids is more "than I ever thought possible." On a good day, people are so impressed by how well mannered our four 4 year-old children are, and on a day they are not at their best, we get looks that express that we have too many kids! We wouldn't change a thing. They are an incredible blessing.

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    1. Yes! It doesn't really matter how many kids you have, what their ages are, or anything. Regardless of the size of family, or who comprises it each child is such a blessing in and of themselves! Thank you for commenting.

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  10. Such a beautiful post. I especially liked that quote about how could you not want to meet another person you will love so very much. Exactly. I "think" we're done having kids, but I really don't know. I don't think it's up to me.

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    1. I feel the same way. I don't think it's up to me. :)

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  11. How did I not know you are expecting #5? Did I miss that blog post when you shared it? You know I can totally relate to all that you shared. I don't always get the comments from people, but I know the look ... the one that says, "Oh, you're one of those kind of folks." It doesn't bother me anymore because it doesn't change how much I love having a big family.

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    1. I'm not sure I wrote a post about it!! I don't really get too many comments - at least not rude comments. They're usually more curious in nature. It's more funny to me than anything else. I think we all have some curiosity about why people have "chosen" the family size they have. But really, I wonder if more often than not it's not a choice they've made rather than just how it has all happened.

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