Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Grocery Shopping with Kids (True Story)

I'm really not sure if I should be a pessimist or an optimist when it comes to going to the store. I usually start out my trip with an optimistic spirit. "It's going to be GREAT!" I am convinced that my list, my cloth shopping bags, and my already pottied children will *make*  this trip. It's going to be sooo-o good. And sometimes it really, really is. Some trips are so epic, so good, so perfect that I feel as if I've stepped into a grocery store utopia and the clouds have parted, thereby allowing me to see a heavenly host of angels singing hymns.

Other days, I err on the pessimistic side. I glower and think horrible thoughts as I shove my grocery list in my dirty cluttered purse. I find myself shouting things like "SHOES!" and "CAR!" and, "NO! We are NOT taking squirt guns to the store!" Every other mom I see with her serene expression causes me to feel frustration, and I find myself wishing to be anywhere else but in grocery aisles with kids who are building forts amidst the towers of toilet paper and paper towels.

Someday I may think fondly on the grocery trips as I shop solo. Honestly, I probably will, because I love being around my kids and I love their shenanigans. But, grocery trips? They feel somewhat like this...

I had a great thought as I woke up today,
"I'm going to go shopping - get it out of the way!"
I wrote up my list, it was big, and complete.
Everything was on it, eggs, soap, milk and meat.

I fed all the kids, got their shoes on their feet.
We hustled out the door and they got in their seats.
I turned on the radio to listen to some tunes.
"NO music!" they shouted. They wanted cartoons.

We got to the store and were almost inside.
But before we reached the carts they spotted a ride.
A mickey mouse plane. Expensive, but awesome!
They pleaded. I said "No." Then they played possum.

Like sacks of potatoes I drug them to the carts.
We haven't quite started, but I'm feeling faint of heart.
They're in the grocery cart, and wow is it weighty.
Pregnant and tired, I feel like I am eighty.

We go to the back of the store to begin.
We're in the produce section and little faces grin.
Apples, pears, and carrots - their hands start to grab
They're mini thieves, with an ability to nab!

We go to the dairy section, thank the Lord!
But somehow in the frenzy the cart found a gourd???
Back to the produce to replace the big fruit.
I'm attempting to hurry as we try to reroute.

We walk past the toys, and that was a mistake.
I pretend not to see, but they don't fall for my fake.
Barbies, Legos, bikes, blocks, don't forget games.
An hour later, "We're still looking!" they exclaim.

Someone screams, "POTTY!" and I make a mad dash.
One kid is lagging as they pick up random trash.
"Gross, yuck, ew..." I sigh, as I snatch it away
It's hard to be a kid in the store AND obey.

We're done at the bathrooms. We're almost done with the trip.
That's when one of my kids actually starts to flip.
An awesome, epic tantrum - you've never seen the like.
My brain feels like mush, this is bad for my psych.

I start in with the bribes, because those always work.
Who am I kidding? They're all still going berserk.
Candy, cookies, sugar, they want it all and now!
I'm starting to feel like I'll also throw a cow.

People start to stare as the tantrum escalates.
We're in line now and I can hardly wait.
I dream of naps, coffee, anything but stores.
The screaming continues, but I see the doors!

We exit the store and I spot my minivan.
Next time I won't think this was such a good plan.
I get in my car and sit there for a while.
"For dinner we'll get pizza." I think with a smile.

Grocery trips are ever the adventure around here. You too?

photo credit: Herbstgaben via photopin (license)


  1. Absolutely a me too! When my daughter was a few years younger, she never felt nervous about being in such a big place. She would wander away so quickly. A handful of times the employees and I found her in the toy aisles! So scary.

    1. Oh my goodness, that's terrifying! Sometimes I feel like a hawk while we're at the store, constantly turning my head all the way around so as to make sure my eyes are always on someone! ;)

  2. Hey, at least you got it out of the way, right?! Haha. Got to love the chaos.

  3. ha ha love the poem! stores with kids is ALWAYS an adventure! it really makes you appreciate the kid-friendly ones where a bear is hidden for them to find, free stickers, lollypops...anything to distract them :)

    1. Thanks! I've never been to a store like you're describing. Why!? I need to find a store like that. The stores I got to usually have the rides, the quarter machines with toys in them, and sometimes a free cookie. My kids would love to do a scavenger type hunt at the store.

  4. That poem is hilarious! I totally relate. I am completely exhausted after a trip to the store!

    1. Thank you! I read it to my kids and they laughed so hard. It's kind of a running joke around here. :) Funny, how exhausting it really is!


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