Monday, October 6, 2014

Part 1. A Marriage In Trouble {Transparent Tuesday}

I've written marriage posts before, but they haven't been like the one I'm about to write. 


When I tell people that my husband and I almost got divorced they seem surprised. Divorce was a term I had been told to never throw around. "Once you start saying divorce, it's almost inevitable. It becomes an option at that point. Don't let it be an option." And so I vowed to myself that I would never take that word lightly. After all, nobody gets married with the idea of divorce as an end result.

We were just like any other 19 and 20 year old getting married. Starry eyed, head over heels for each other. Best friends. We were also immature and ignorant.

I remember before Greg and I were married a woman at my work telling me, "There was a whole year that I literally hated my husband." I thought that was crazy! I couldn't believe someone could actually feel hate towards their own spouse.

As a newly married young couple we were completely unprepared (despite our brief premarital counseling stint) for marriage and the changes that we were going to go through.

When people get divorced you often hear the complaint, "They changed. They weren't the same person I married." But, things change and that includes people. Nothing is constant. The earth revolves, the ocean heaves, the wind blows. People are no different. Their tastes fluctuate, they read books, they form new ideas and opinions. Your vows don't say, "Till death do us part, unless you change. If you change it's over." 

At any rate, we changed. We got new jobs. We got pregnant. We had a kid. It became clear that there was a rift. The transitions of everything happening so quickly took a toll on us.

Honestly we were very lost. We weren't attending church. When we asked someone for advice it was usually from our unmarried friends who had no idea. We were fighting all the time. We couldn't even look each other in the eye.
 

The word divorce started bleeding into our sentences.

I remember yelling myself hoarse one night and wondering what the neighbors must think as I packed all of my baby's possessions into the back of my car. I just didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to be around him. He was hardly home anyway - he'd never even know the difference if I wasn't home. So I drove to my parent's house where I planned to stay.

To read Part 2 Go here


Today is Transparent Tuesday!

I invite you to link up and join me in an effort to cast aside the filters! We all have a story to tell. The best stories are those where ordinary people rise up and work through the tough situations, the unseemly moments, the mundane, and the unglamorous.

All you have to do to link up is:

1. One posts, two posts, three?! Link up to three posts of anything authentic! A picture, a post, a quote you love!

2. Copy the url for your post (not your site) in the linky below.

3. Finally, last but not least copy the code for the Transparent Tuesday graphic and attach it to your post so that other people can come and see all the other posts for Transparent Tuesday. The more the graphic is shared, the more people will be able to participate!

If there are enough linkups I will be able to feature it on the following week! Please link up and share with other bloggers who might be interested! I love seeing what other transparent views people offer! If you link up keep in mind that any graphics you use on your site are now available to me for use in my feature of your post. 

Last week Rachael from Three Boys and a Mom linked up. Thank you Rachael! She writes from a very humorous unfiltered perspective on what it's like to be the mom of three boys - two of whom are twins. Check her post out here: 

15 Ways I'm Different As a Mom of 3 Versus a New Mom of 2
 
Thanks for linking up! The graphic and link up are below:

Our Growing Roots



8 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for featuring my post! That's so cool of you! ☺ also, I love this post! Thank you for sharing such a sensitive thing and being so open. I'm looking forward to the to be continued, especially since I known it has a happy ending 😃

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  2. Ooooo good...a happy ending to come :)

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  3. Thanks for sharing such a sensitive topic. I hope you're in a happier place now

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  4. Cliffhanger! Marriage problems are so tough, but it's so worth it to work through it if you can.

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  5. I think my initial comment didn't post. I really appreciate the candour in your post. I'm grateful that my own parents demonstrated steadfastness in their rocky marriage. Less than two years into my own, I experienced many of the same things in my marriage you described. My husband seemed to withdraw, and I did my utmost to get him to check back in. Many fights and tears ensued. Forint sept, we are in a really great place, and have weathered this storm. Though I anticipate in this life long commitment, there will be different storms to come.

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  6. Thanks for sharing. It is so easy to gloss over the hard parts in a marriage, especially when you put yourself "out there."

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  7. I understand hate in a marriage...I hated my husband for a couple of years through our marriage, and it was only by sheer determination to NOT go through a second divorce that kept me from walking out. It was only through letting go and giving it all to God that our marriage was healed. Now, as we approach our 10 year anniversary, I love my husband more than I ever have in the past. Thanks for sharing your story! I think it's important that others know our marriages are not perfect.

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  8. Stories of renewed marriage are so beautiful! My husband and I worked through hard times and are happier than ever. There is almost always hope!

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