Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Moms Need Friends

Four children into this I'm starting to feel some age creeping up on me. I know I'm not old yet, but I know that I'm not as young as I once didn't realize I was. I found my first gray hair this year, and a couple days later gray hair (singular) turned into gray hairs (plural...) My kids are still young and I'm still bouncing a baby on my hip. I'm not old, but I am in my thirties and this was at one time, my definition of old.

I've been in good company on this journey of mine through mamahood. Not often alone, I've navigated through some tough times with good advice and kind words. I've been loved on and looked after by more moms than I could properly give acknowledgement to.

You need support as a mom. It is an adventure fraught with worry, tears, joy, and most of all immeasurable love. There are days of pure trial. Other days are blissful and my kids are angelic. There have also been times where I've felt as if I'm just skating by - nothing is great, but nothing is bad. Isn't this true for us all?

You cannot do this alone. Not a single one of us can. Where once women lived in small towns or even in houses with older moms to help and guide them we live in a mobile society where more often than not we're at the very least a car ride away from another mom to talk to. It can feel very lonely at times.

We need other women in our lives.

Because this calling is not to be taken lightly, this raising of children who sooner than we realize will be adults. It's not just another job that you interviewed for. You can't quit when you feel like it. There will be many times when your foundation is shaky and you will need reinforcement.

 "He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." -Isaiah 40:11

This is one of His promises. He will gently lead you. One of the very evident ways He does this is through other women. God works through people, every day. When you search for Him, often He shows up in the form of a phone call, an encouraging word at the store, or a cup of coffee brought to you by someone who loves you.

Most of the valuable advice I've received has been from other moms who've been there. Sometimes I go as far as to seek these women out and ask for advice, ask for stories because I need to. I need to hear what other women have done. In the beginning I needed to know how to deal with a diaper rash - now I need to know how to deal with 3 small ones, while homeschooling, managing a household, and having grace at the same time.

I can search the internet and find a zillion different remedies for the common cold, or find out how to make an amazing pot pie for my family. I can figure out how to get pen stains out of microfiber (true story), and I can find hundreds of books that give me techniques for discipline and patience.

Talking to another woman who cares about my children and me and who knows what it's like to feel the way I do - wholly and completely invested in the raising of my little ones, desiring good for them is a whole other ball game. The internet cannot give me that. 

As a mom we need other moms. Period. At the end of a long day hearing someone else's stories about how their kids colored on the wall, filled the toilet with sand, poured food all over the kitchen, or cut their own hair lets me know that this is all just normal stuff. We can share our mishaps. We can laugh together, we can cry together. We can commiserate. It encourages me to know that other people aren't perfect and that we're all just doing our best. To know that someone else is doing the same things as me every day, or has done these things and made it out on the other side albeit with some gray hairs in the process is encouraging.

Sometimes you just need to know that it's going to be ok,  that you're ok - that you're more than ok.

Find friends that will let you know this. God desires for you to find friends who love you and will help to gently lead you.

Strong women. 

Kind women. 

Women who have been where you are. 

Women who genuinely care about you. 

Women who can make you laugh - because it's important to laugh when you're a mom. 

Women who know when to just listen. 

Women who tell us the truth in love. 

Women who can be honest and share their own stories of trials and triumphs with you.

Find a good friend.

"A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
Proverbs 17:17 

(pictures courtesy of my other lovely friend Lydia)


  1. That is so true! There is nothing like that best "mom" friend in one's life.

  2. Isn't is crazy how being a mommy just brings you closer to other mommies. I love the community of love and support and understanding that I get from my mommy friends!

    1. Yes! I love being able to commiserate and feel like I'm heard, and understood. :) Thanks for stopping by!

  3. Excellent advice. - Theresa

  4. I forgot to leave you my info with my first comment, so here is again! These are wonderful and wise words. It's so comforting to be around other moms and just know that we are not alone! Many Blessings, Hannah

    1. Thanks for stopping by and thank you for your lovely compliment! Blessings to you as well.

  5. I love the times I spend with other mamas. It's definitely a wonderful connection to have.

  6. What a lovely posts! Made me miss my best friend! It is great to surround yourself with positive people!

  7. So true! I'm hanging out with two of my favorite moms tomorrow.

  8. I love sharing stories with mom-friends who say, "I know! My kid does that too!" Oh, how refreshing and relieving! Phew, my kids aren't total freaks. And I'm not doing as badly as I thought.
    Thank you for this, Melissa!

    1. Thanks for commenting, Dana! That's one of my favorite aspects of spending time with my friends. I get into my group and feel as if I'm with people who understand - who can offer me support from a place of knowing and understanding. It's irreplaceable and oh so important to know that we're not the only ones.


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