1. Putting Shoes On
Before: On they went, and out the door I would head.
Now: "Where ARE your shoes?" and, "Those are backwards, no like this, no the other way." and, "You have to wear shoes!" not to be outdone by, "You can't wear your church shoes to the park. No, I'm sorry."
2. Eating the Last Cookie
Now: Pink Panther style I have to stealthily exit the room, tiptoe to the bathroom where I chew quietly. (This is also applicable for chocolate, candy, or any other delicacy that my kids perchance see me with).
3. Watching Television
Before: Crime shows, Food Network, Reality T.V., from time to time some Sports.
Now: Doodlebops (gag), My Little Pony, Spiderman, Tinkerbell, Thomas the Train, Phinneas and Ferb (although that last one, well I'm not really complaining about that one).
4. Clean Clothing
Before: I'd wear my clothes, and at the end of the day they were still wearable. Imagine that!
Now: I get out of the shower and in usually 0.2 seconds I have either spit up or some mystery sticky substance on me. That lady in the store with various stains on her pants about knee level and splotches on her shirt and down her back - yeah, that's me. At least when I don't have an extra hand to hold something because my hands are otherwise occupied holding a baby and a toddler's hand I can stick whatever else it is I'm supposed to be carrying to the mystery substance.
5. Clipping Nails
Before: Bada-boom, bada-bing done.
Now: "WHAT!? You all have 10 fingers and TWO hands!? Your toenails need clipping too!?! Oh sheesh, it's bio-hazard city in here!"
Before: I could either make a quick trip and be done in roughly five to ten minutes, or I could peruse the aisles as long as I wanted, reading labels and looking at housewares.
Now: We come in like an army, armed with various baby holding accouterments, bribes, and lists. We can be heard from five aisles over sometimes shrieking with glee, sometimes crying. Our cart is heavy and fast due to the velocity at which we travel, so getting in the way is ill advised.
7. Nature Walks
Before: So quiet, so serene.
Now: "Agh! Is that poison ivy! Don't eat the nightshade! Where is Seraphine???"
Before: I drove someplace and I arrived there.
Now: "I think the tires might go flat if we try to fit that last bag." and, "I have no room for my legs!" in addition to, "Hey can you check behind us to make sure I can change lanes? All the pillows are too high, I can't see out the back." one of my favorites, "You have to go to the bathroom again!? Last time you just wanted to check out the gas station bathroom." and last, but not least, "Hey, I'm not a D.J. no more switching songs, let's just listen to the music as it comes, ok?"
9. Going to the Bathroom
Before: See number 9's title.
Now: Five knocks later, two kids in the bathroom with me, I hear a loud crash accompanied by an "Oops."
10. Drinking Coffee
Before: I would pour my steaming coffee into my cup and enjoy the aroma as I sipped from it leisurely.
Now: My cup of coffee is poured, it gets cold, I warm it up, it gets cold, I warm it up again, it gets cold... again. Finally, I sit down with it and someone barrels into me sloshing said cup of coffee all over us, but it's ok, because it's almost cold again.
Of course I must say after all of this that I love my children dearly and I would much rather have cold coffee, fingernail clippings all over, Doodlbobs blaring, and mismatched shoes than all those befores any day.
"Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Psalm 127:3-5