I have been extremely preoccupied lately with all things life. I have been wanting and meaning to write a post for some time now, but every time I sit down to write I end up with a case of writer's block and end up saving the entry for another day.
I am 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Every woman is different and some women don't have their babies until they hit the 40 week mark, or at least very close to it. With my previous two labors I have given birth at 38 1/2 weeks and 37 1/2 weeks respectively. So for me, this is the home stretch.
I would love to say that I am completely peaceful at the prospect of this upcoming birth. I am actually much more calm than I was last week or the week before. I know that the baby cannot stay inside forever - and nor do I want her to! Despite words of encouragement and of course the logical advice that is given, I tend to enter a frenzied type of mentality in the weeks before I have a baby. I suppose that's normal? I have never gotten to the point of attempting to induce labor. Rather, I tend to try to stave off contractions and keep labor at bay. Honestly, I get scared.
Childbirth is no laughing matter (at least not at the time). I have my babies quickly. Rowan arrived in 3 hours start to finish. Warrick came into this world in a mere 90 minute labor. I have joked around saying that really I don't deserve to say I have suffered childbirth, because my labors are so short in duration! Sometimes, that is the scary part for me. Fast labors mean you need to have everything ready. The hospital bag needs to be packed, the towels need to be in the car, the people who are on your call list need to be reachable at the drop of a hat. And so, I think about what might happen if I start to labor while I'm home alone with my kids, or if I cannot get a hold of anyone. I start to become fearful of all the scenarios that are playing through my mind.
I realize that childbirth in and of itself is only a blip in the span of a lifetime. It happens, it's over, and there is your beautiful baby, new, tiny, and perfect. It's a miracle really. I know that regardless of the pain I will not hesitate to go through it as many times as God wills.
I know that during my labor I will pray and thank God for the opportunity to bring this new little person into His world. I have finally come to a place where I know that it's all in God's time and that I will be granted a peace that surpasses understanding.
I am so looking forward to meeting our little baby girl.